Friday

04/01/2011

1 Comment

 

A Right Pain In The Back

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Some of you might be aware that on the 11th of March I Fell onto a dumpster lifting up some trash that was picked up from the car park where I work. I'm not proud of it I knocked myself out and since then I haven't worked at all. In fact I'm beginning to feel like a Scouser. The Doctors have placed these restrictions on me:
  1. No lifting over 25lbs....Great My Daughter weighs 29.7lbs so she can climb on me but I can't pick her up well I could but I would have to remove one of her Limbs and I love her far too much to consider that....
  2. No pushing or pulling over 10lbs....So now if she decides to run away from me I could try shouting HEY STOP and if that doesn't work I'll have to resort to bribery with sweets....
  3. No Squatting or Kneeling...So no using those open hole French toilets or worshipping Monotheistic gods....
  4. No Bending more than 5 times per hour....Guess my nights out at the YMCA are cancelled for the foreseeable future along with picking the soap up on the shower floor....

Still It could be worse. I feel more like a Scouser now as I have to complete a Job Search, for Jobs that will accommodate me within these restrictions. Unless the job is feather tester; I don't see that happening still they want FIVE jobs a week filled out. I do however get compensation for this situation; just nothing in the last 21 days.


I also have to do Physical Therapy which basically consists of having electricity pumped through my back whilst sitting on a moderately warm and wet cushion. Call me naive but I was under the impression that water and electricity are not the best of friends. On the bright side there Is the usual collection of 2 year old magazines, of which I could guess the outcome of the 2010 presidential race. I went for Clinton I wonder If she won. Also I found an article about knitting your own socks and how to make a teddy bear out of that old fur coat you no longer wear because It reminds people of Sarah Palin. The PT section of the place I visit has numerous PT machines and a fair bit of gym equipment. One lady recovering from a broken shoulder had to put one arm in one side of a pulley system and the other arm in the other sling. Pulling gently she raised her arm to shoulder height then she either spasmed or something Inside her went GO ON. and she yanked her arm like a campanologist ringing a bell her arm flew skywards at 90mph and her vocal chords hit a note most Bee Gees would be proud of, all this whilst 3 PT trainers frantically tried to untie the poor woman. I on the other hand had to pretend that 'Times' most influential man of 345BC was worthy of a guffaw of laughter....

 


Comments

Jasmine
04/01/2011 4:09pm

haha :p

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    Simon Knowles

    Sadistic, Satirical, Sarcastic, Socialist, with enough time on his hands to waste yours.

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